Ducky!!

Dancing in a lonely mind
loosing more inside every moment
and I can't even cry
my grasp on hope is breaking
and soon I will too because the hurt is bigger than I


Step one you say we need to talk
He walks you say sit down it's just a talk
He smiles politely back at you
You stare politely right on through
Some sort of window to your right
As he goes left and you stay right
Between the lines of fear and blame
And you begin to wonder why you came

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

Let him know that you know best
Cause after all you do know best
Try to slip past his defense
Without granting innocence
Lay down a list of what is wrong
The things you've told him all along
And pray to God he hears you
And pray to God he hears you

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

As he begins to raise his voice
You lower yours and grant him one last choice
Drive until you lose the road
Or break with the ones you've followed
He will do one of two things
He will admit to everything
Or he'll say he's just not the same
And you'll begin to wonder why you came

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

I'm supposed to be writing my response to the reading for my english class but i feel too weak and tired. I want to go to sleep and i hope i can make it through today. if i had a computer at home i wouldn't even have bothered to come. sorry i can't even finish this. bye.

I want to go home, I miss my mom.
No one understands that I'm held captive by this contradicting, overbearing, unfair asshole.
I've become a forced recluse, loathing my supposed "home".

i apologize for failing all of you, but you can fuck yourself because you don't know my honest reality. despite how "well" you know me or how "great" you've been in my life there are these unpretentious few who realistically know my life the way i know it. how much i honestly care, but can genuinely not give a fuck about those who think they know but never really knew at all. how im so fake, but im eternally real. how i can succumb so deeply into substance, but resist my most demonic temptress. how i hate my mother, but will love her for all that she is. how i admire the success of my brother, though i detest his simplicity and perfection. how i can drown in reality, but spin myself drunk into insanity.

Choose a band/or artist and answer only in song TITLES or LYRICS by that Band: the used

Are you female or male: She said "Why do you watch me?"

Describe yourself: As of now Im down straight up
And I can turn to the box for some peace
Or a box for a piece
Or a box for a smoke
But theyre all going to choke me
You're so crazy

How do some people feel about you: Worse than the fear it's the lie you told a thousand times before

How do you feel about yourself: For a while I was cleaner than now
Then I started to destroy myself
With things that I love now the things that I hate
Until it finally broke me

Describe your ex girlfriend/boyfriend/crush: you ripped my heart out of me then you put it back
I'm pulling my hair
I let you just a million times
I love you even though it isn't fair

Describe your current girlfriend/boyfriend/crush: My stomach hurts now,
All tied off in lace.
I pray, beg, for anything to hit me in the face.
And this sickness isn't me.
And I pray to fall from grace.
The last thing I see is feeling.
And I'm telling you I'm a fake,
I'm telling you I'm a fake.

Describe where you want to be: Is there another side
Behind the black and white?
A place I could meet you by
A place on the other side

Describe what you want to be: Never have
been one to write it down
Now I think I can
I know I'm stronger now
Who's looking south
Not me I'm not looking back
I'm done denying the truth to anyone
Cause I'm alive

Describe how you live: That's okay!
It's the terror of knowing
What this world is about
Watching some good friends
Screaming "Let me out!"
Pray tomorrow takes me higher

Describe how you love: marry me
stay the same
lie to me and try to tell me
I've got a feeling in my gut now fills me
with so much hope
said "fuck it" I'm fine

Share a few words of wisdom: I'll savor every moment of this

i'll attempt to explain this, though i know the only one who really gets this type of thing of course already knows. in the past fourty-eight hours of ailment my thoughts have had no influence from the outside world. allowing me to see so clearly what i want and need.

I don't believe in the apocalypse
I don't believe in the end of time
I don't believe in the solar eclipse
I don't believe in valentines

I don't believe I asked opinion
I don't believe I stretched the truth
I am not looking for a bargain
All I really believe in is you

I don't believe in everything I've read
I don't believe in promises
I don't believe in compromising
My own beliefs inside my head

I don't believe I asked opinion
I don't believe I stretched the truth
I am not looking for a bargain
All I really believe in is you

I don't believe I asked opinion
I don't believe I stretched the truth
I am not looking for a bargain
All I really believe in is you

you don't get it and you don't want to. i'm weak in your eyes, yet you're so emotionally decrepit i think that it's a miracle that i have any energy left to breathe at all from being your life-support. the only time i do something ahead of you, i ache in remorse and drowned in your lectures of my self-indulgence. and how dare you allow the queen hypocrite of betrayal and vanity speak for you.

Sister, I'm not much a poet, but a criminal
And you never had a chance
Love it, or leave it, you can't understand
A pretty face, but you do so carry on,
And on,
And on

I wouldn't front the scene if you payed me
I'm just the way that the doctor made me on,
And on,
And on,
And on

Love is the red of the rose on your coffin door
What's life like, bleeding on the floor,
The floor,
The floor

You'll never make me leave
I wear this on my sleeve
Give me a reason to believe

So gimme all your poison
And gimme all your pills
And gimme all your hopeless hearts
To make me ill
You're running after something
That you'll never kill
If this is what you want
Then fire at will

Preach all you want but who's gonna save me?
I keep a gun on the book you gave me,
Hallelujah, lock and load
Black is the kiss, the touch of the serpent sun
It ain't the mark or the scar that makes you one,
And run,
And run,
And run

You'll never make me leave
I wear this on my sleeve
Give me a reason to believe

So gimme all your poison
And gimme all your pills
And gimme all your hopeless hearts
To make me ill
You're running after something
That you'll never kill
If this is what you want
Then fire at will

You'll never make me leave
I wear this on my sleeve
You wanna follow something
Give me a better cause to lead
Just give me what I need
Give me a reason to believe

So gimme all your poison
And gimme all your pills
And gimme all your hopeless hearts
To make me ill
You're running after something
That you'll never kill
If this is what you want
Then fire at will

i did it, thank you daria..

it's hard to explain how much i missed that smile, those eyes, and that kiss of yours which corresponds so blissfully to mine. and i loved every second of it.

i told her, again thank you daria..

i don't think you understand how hard it was for me to tell you. and in all honesty i probably wouldn't have had daria not made me, and we all know ((or at least those who know about all of it)) how well that would have gone over once you did find out because lord knows i suck at keeping anything from you. but your response isn't you. it's not what you actually think of the situation. because i know you and i know you're upset for a different reason. and what you said to me about how you don't matter now is bullshit. a fucking cop-out for your frustration but that's okay, because i know you'll tell me what all of this really means to you one day. but until then you can point and laugh in disgust as though this has something to do with you or betrayal.

daria, you've become my pillar of strength. and you really are there for me and you let me be selfish about my issues. you help me do what i have to do for me. things i would never do on my own. you let me be weak. and for that i need to say thank you, and i love you..

you really got your hold on me..
you got to get away from me, because you want nothing to do with me..
still i love all of you..

What if I wanted to break
Laugh it all off in your face
What would you do?
What if I fell to the floor
Couldn't take all this anymore
What would you do, do, do?

Kill
Break me down
Bury me, bury me
I am finished with you

What if I wanted to fight
Beg for the rest of my life
What would you do?
You say you wanted more
What are you waiting for
I'm not running from you

Kill
Break me down
Bury me, bury me
I am finished with you
Look in my eyes
You're killing me, killing me
All I wanted was you

I tried to be someone else
But nothing seemed to change
I know now, this is who I really am inside
Falling from myself
Falling for a chance
I know now, this is who I really am

Kill
Break me down
Bury me, bury me
I am finished with you, you, you
Look in my eyes
You're killing me, killing me
All I wanted was you
Come, break me down
Break me down
Break me down

What if I wanted to break...?

 

run away now..

for you to stick around..

Comfort isn't love. sounds simple, but it's easy to screw up. I now understand that i have to let go of my comfort and be okay on my own, because im only hurting and i can't do that. I'm scared but I have to.

My dreams last night sent me into a downward spiral. i miss him..

I know there's something in the wake of your smile.
I get a notion from the look in your eyes, yea.
You've built a love but that love falls apart.
Your little piece of heaven turns too dark.

Listen to your heart
when he's calling for you.
Listen to your heart
there's nothing else you can do.
I don't know where you're going
and I don't know why,
but listen to your heart
before you tell him goodbye.

Sometimes you wonder if this fight is worthwhile.
The precious moments are all lost in the tide, yea.
They're swept away and nothing is what is seems,
the feeling of belonging to your dreams.

Listen to your heart
when he's calling for you.
Listen to your heart
there's nothing else you can do.
I don't know where you're going
and I don't know why,
but listen to your heart
before you tell him goodbye.

And there are voices
that want to be heard.
So much to mention
but you can't find the words.
The scent of magic,
the beauty that's been
when love was wilder than the wind.

Listen to your heart
when he's calling for you.
Listen to your heart
there's nothing else you can do.
I don't know where you're going
and I don't know why,
but listen to your heart
before you tell him goodbye.

Listen to your heart, mm-mmmmmm

I don't know where you're going
and I don't know why,
but listen to your heart
before you tell him goodbye.

I want to run back but everyone tells me it's not right. Even though I think to myself that maybe no one knows how this isn't bad for me but me. Then i think that i should see the wrong and i see it but its foggy elena was right and i fucking hate that right now. but i miss it.

i cant go see you..
because if i go to see you, ill go inside..
if i go inside, ill sit down..
if i sit down, it'll be next to you...
if im next to you, then we'll lightly touch..
if we lightly touch, then we'll hold hands..
if we hold hands, ill lean on you..
if i lean on you, you'll hold me..
if you hold me, ill stroke back of your neck..
if i stroke the back of your neck, you'll kiss me..
if you kiss me, ill kiss you..
if i kiss you, youll touch me..
if you touch me ill touch you..
and we'll melt back to square one.

im mending..
slowly ill admit but im doing it.
   im floating now, i jumped off of the sinking ship and im done with everything that has to do with that whole situation. im not even going to listen about it anymore.
   Ive realized i cant change her, i cant fix her, so why should i even attempt to understand the insanity of this woman? I cant let her bring me down to where she's at anymore but it doesnt mean that i dont care about her.
   Its taking longer than i want it to but im progressing, that fucking book didnt help any but still its okay. at least the worst of what i thought isnt true, and i danced for that because i had every reason to think it was true and that fear is gone now thankfully.
   she comes home soon.i miss her, im on the phone with her at least an hour everyday lol. and people thought the distance would part us.. but still im insane without her here, or maybe it's just i notice my insanity because theres no one that TRULY gets me and is just as crazy like her.
   growing up is hard.. i never really realized that, but then again is everything im going through part of "growing up" or am i just getting crazier??
   im falling for what brings me comfort, is that good?? because i like it but the fact that it makes me so comfortable makes me feel like its not right.
   i miss that shit lol. you know, "that's a really good idea..." soon though soon.. hmm maybe tomorrow.. lol

thanks for making me feel embarrassed jacob lol but oh well..

Oh, this is the start of something good
Don't you agree?
I haven't felt like this in so many moons
You know what I mean?
And we can build through this destruction
As we are standing on our feet
So since you want to be with me
You'll have to follow through
With every word you say
And I, all I really want is you
For you to stick around
I'll see you everyday
But you have to follow through
You have to follow through

These reeling emotions they just keep me alive
They keep me in tune
Oh, look what Im holding here in my fire
This is for you
Am I too obvious to preach it
You're so hypnotic on my heart
So since you want to be with me
You'll have to follow through
With every word you say
And I, all I really want is you
For you to stick around
I'll see you everyday
But you have to follow through
You have to follow through
The words you say to me are unlike anything
That's ever been said
And what you do to me is unlike anything
That's ever been
Am I too obvious to preach it
You're so hypnotic on my heart
So since you want to be with me
You'll have to follow through
With every word you say
And I, all I really want is you
For you to stick around
I'll see you everyday
So since you want to be with me
You'll have to follow through
With every word you say
And I, all I really want is you
For you to stick around
I'll see you everyday
But you have to follow through
You have to follow through
You're gonna have to follow
Oh, this is the start of something good
Don't you agree?

another one that i found and remembered..

Maybe I don't really want to know
How your garden grows cos I just want to fly
Lately did you ever feel the pain
In the morning rain as it soaks you to the bone
Maybe I just want to fly
I want to live I don't want to die
Maybe I just want to breath
Maybe I just don't believe
Maybe you're the same as me
We see things they'll never see
You and I are gonna live forever

Maybe I don't really want to know
How your garden grows cos I just want to fly
Lately did you ever feel the pain
In the morning rain as it soaks you to the bone

Maybe I will never be
All the things that I want to be
But now is not the time to cry
Now's the time to find out why
I think you're the same as me
We see things they'll never see
You and I are gonna live forever
Maybe I don't really want to know
How your garden grows cos I just want to fly
Lately did you ever feel the pain
In the morning rain as it soaks you to the bone

Maybe I just want to fly
I want to live I don't want to die
Maybe I just want to breath
Maybe I just don't believe
Maybe you're the same as me
We see things they'll never see
You and I are gonna live forever

We're gonna live forever
Gonna live forever
Live forever
Live forever

Must be your skin I'm sinking in
Must be for real 'cause now I can feel
And I didn't mind it's not my kind
It's not my time to wonder why
Everything's gone white
And everything's grey
Now you're here now you're away
I don't want this, remember that
I'll never forget where you're at
Don't let the days go by
Glycerine,glycerine

I'm never alone
I'm alone all the time
Are you at one
Or do you lie
We live in a wheel
Where everyone steals
But when we rise
it's like strawberry fields

If I treated you bad
You bruise my face
Couldn't love you more
You got a beautiful taste
Don't let the days go by
Could have been easier on you
I couldn't change though I wanted to
Should have been easier by three
Our old friend fear and you and me
Glycerine, glycerine
Don't let the days go by
Glycerine,
Don't let the days go by
Glycerine, glycerine(x2)

Bad mood whine again
Bad mood whine again
As she falls around me

I needed you more
When we wanted us less
I could not kiss just regress
It might just be
Clear simple and plain
That's just fine
That's just one of my names
Don't let the days go by
Could have been easier on you you you
Glycerine, glycerine, glycerine, glycerine

 

2 AM and she calls me 'cause I'm still awake,
"Can you help me unravel my latest mistake?,
I don't love him. Winter just wasn't my season"
Yeah we walk through the doors, so accusing their eyes
Like they have any right at all to criticize,
Hypocrites. You're all here for the very same reason

'Cause you can't jump the track, we're like cars on a cable
And life's like an hourglass, glued to the table
No one can find the rewind button, girl.
So cradle your head in your hands
And breathe... just breathe,
Oh breathe, just breathe

In May he turn 21 on the base at Fort Bliss
"Just a Day", he said down to the flask in his fist,
"Ain't been sober, since maybe October of last year."
Here in town you can tell he's been down for a while,
But, my God, it's so beautiful when the boy smiles,
Wanna hold him. Maybe I'll just sing about it.

Cause you can't jump the track, we're like cars on a cable,
And life's like an hourglass, glued to the table.
No one can find the rewind button, boys,
So cradle your head in your hands,
And breathe... just breathe,
Oh breathe, just breathe

There's a light at each end of this tunnel,
You shout 'cause you're just as far in as you'll ever be out
And these mistakes you've made, you'll just make them again
If you only try turning around.

2 AM and I'm still awake, writing a song
If I get it all down on paper, it's no longer inside of me,
Threatening the life it belongs to
And I feel like I'm naked in front of the crowd
Cause these words are my diary, screaming out loud
And I know that you'll use them, however you want to

But you can't jump the track, we're like cars on a cable,
And life's like an hourglass, glued to the table
No one can find the rewind button now
Sing it if you understand.
and breathe, just breathe
woah breathe, just breathe,
Oh breathe, just breathe,
Oh breathe, just breathe.

 

To see you when I wake up
is a gift I didn't think could be real.
To know that you feel the same as I do
is a three-fold, utopian dream.
You do something to me that I can't explain.
So would I be out of line if I said,
I miss you.
I see your picture, I smell your skin on the empty pillow next to mine.
You have only been gone ten days, but already I'm wasting away.
I know I'll see you again
whether far or soon.
But I need you to know that I care
and I miss you.

 

Help, I have done it again
I have been here many times before
Hurt myself again today
And, the worst part is there's no-one else to blame

Be my friend
Hold me, wrap me up
Unfold me
I am small
I'm needy
Warm me up
And breathe me

Ouch I have lost myself again
Lost myself and I am nowhere to be found,
Yeah I think that I might break
I've lost myself again and I feel unsafe

Be my friend
Hold me, wrap me up
Unfold me
I am small
I'm needy
Warm me up
And breathe me

Be my friend
Hold me, wrap me up
Unfold me
I am small
I'm needy
Warm me up
And breathe me

I love how they used to say,
It's all in your head.
You're a paranoid picture,
You're a photograph...

Exposed by the light,
When you step outside,
Burnt by the sun,
That's in your eyes...

But when I saw it in my face,
In this mirror that needs to break,
Something bothered me and left me to feel...

Betrayal, Betrayal,
It rips right through me,
How you lie right to me,
Betrayal, Betrayal,
Will this world make better sense?
Once you mean nothing to me...

It's on the cutting room floor,
Footage of this mess,
Filmed then packaged and ready to sell...

Betrayal, Betrayal,
It rips right through me,
How you lie right to me,
Betrayal, Betrayal,
Will this world make better sense?
Once you mean nothing to me...

You used to live in a memory,
Now those pictures are burning...now
You're a memory,
A fingerprint on the film,
You're a shadow in the sun,
Now it's your time to burn...

Betrayal, Betrayal,
It rips right through me,
How you lie right to me,
Betrayal, Betrayal,
Will this world make better sense?
Once you mean nothing to me...

One day, you will come crawling back,
To the same place that I've been...

 

She put him out like the burnin' end of a midnight cigarette
She broke his heart he spent his whole life tryin' to forget
We watched him drink his pain away a little at a time
But he never could get drunk enough to get her off his mind
Until the night

He put that bottle to his head and pulled the trigger
And finally drank away her memory
Life is short but this time it was bigger
Than the strength he had to get up off his knees
We found him with his face down in the pillow
With a note that said I'll love her till I die
And when we buried him beneath the willow
The angels sang a whiskey lullaby

The rumors flew but nobody knew how much she blamed herself
For years and years she tried to hide the whiskey on her breath
She finally drank her pain away a little at a time
But she never could get drunk enough to get him off her mind
Until the night

She put that bottle to her head and pulled the trigger
And finally drank away his memory
Life is short but this time it was bigger
Than the strength she had to get up off her knees
We found her with her face down in the pillow
Clinging to his picture for dear life
We laid her next to him beneath the willow
While the angels sang a whiskey lullaby

Your name here,
Believe me it's not what you think,
Wish what you want,
It's over same to me,
Well, not really,
But anyway,
Its just nothing so simple,
Nothing so silly,
Nothing so mundane,

Go east on Sunrise Highway,
Turn left at Carmen's Avenue,
Go right at the first stoplight,
And I'll be outside waiting for you,
Oh, I'll be waiting for you,

Your name in lights,
It was only a matter of time,
Your name in parenthesis,
You can't see...
Cause after this mess,
I guess you bet,
That I'd collapse before you do,
Well maybe that's true,
Or maybe it's not at all,

Go east on Sunrise Highway,
Turn left at Carmen's Avenue,
Go right at the first stoplight,
And I'll be outside waiting for you,
Oh, I'll be waiting for you,

Go east on Sunrise Highway,
Turn left at Carmen's Avenue,
Go right at the first stoplight,
And I'll be outside waiting for you,
Oh, I'll be waiting for you.

 

Close my eyes and move to the back of my mind
The worries are washed out to sea
See the changes, people's faces blurred out
Like the sunspots or raindrops...

Now all those feelings, those yesterdays feelings will all be lost in time.
but today ive wasted away for today is on my mind...

Left the only worries I had in my hands,
Away from the light in my eyes..
Holding tight and try not to hide how i feel....

'Cause Feelings mean nothing now

Now all those feelings, those yesterdays feelings will all be lost in time
but today I’ve wasted away for today is on my mind
(yeah today is on my mind)

I can't care to worry
Im feeling so lonely
Breaking apart all this love in my heart
Close my eyes and move to the back of my mind

Where feelings mean nothing now

All those feelings, those yesterdays feelings will all be lost in time (all be lost in time)
But today I’ve wasted away, for today is on my mind
For today is on my mind
Yeah today is on my mind

Now I can't care to worry
I’m feeling so lonely
Breaking apart all this love in my heart...

::before you read if you read.. i write in here for personal clarity and the relief that i can express something through here and people very rarely read this making it okay for me to express my true self::


The hope i once had is now lost.
My trust and my heart are now gone.


As my body is breaking my soul bleeds.
While all that I've known is bringing me betrayal and lies.
My world fades to black as I pray in tears here on my knees.
I had hope that it wasn't true, that the aching feeling in the pit of my heart deceived me.
My faith in trust and love has drowned deep away.
Goodbye my hope.
Goodbye my faith.
Goodbye my trust and heart.
For I am gone, with this I pray that your lust is greater than my worth.


atreyu ::five vicodin with a shot of clarity::

After all this time of asking questions
Of trying to find something to quiet this soul
I'm left alone within my mind into this self-made hell I delve
It's not as hot as you think
More so dark and cold with no room to breathe

I'm sorry, I don't think it's going to be okay this time
My heart has skipped its final beat
It's beating me down onto the floor
That must mean that the pills are working
The glass isn't half empty this time
I smashed it to the ground a long long time ago
It shattered when it fell and I broke to pieces
Each shard's another reason, another way to give up

This skin is so tight that the air can't reach my brain
There is nothing telling my heart to beat any faster
To let me scream for help, I will never give up
I will never take the easy way out

This is life
This is struggle
This is love
This is war

im the biggest hypocryte i know i look back at my old entrys and how so many of them say "im done with it fer good now" ill never be done with it. this i dont know if it can ever be over but thats just how it goes.. how i work..

i found something thats begun to distract me but the distraction only lasted so long.. i found something that let me sleep at night but im afraid thats all i have it for, not genuine care. i told that person why i am the way i am they didnt really want to know but i thought they needed to know well that was dumb but it needed to be done. the only reason why i did it was to perhaps get out of what i was in to maybe go back to where i was before. that wont happen until i don't want it to and i know that and its been over a month only 1-2 more to go its clock work. and im expecting it which in the long run will make me very wrong.. oh well im trying..


that which we feel gives us remorse pain and struggle. ache hallowness and mutually self-destruction. a tear falls while a smile of insanity cracks. confusion brought by those around you and the unknowing of how to act upon this bipolar behavior. cought not in a triangle though a long line where none come out with full contentment of emotion. appologenic yet infuriated. hope and time that has not come yet this is what one has left to face.

i miss him so much i could kill myself...

I really wanna call you, but I know that it’s not right.
I probably shouldn’t tell you but I dreamed of you last night.
I guess I’m not prepared to say...
Goodbye, so long, farewell, I won’t be seeing you again
Until next time that she goes away.

You told me that you loved me, I started tearing down those walls.
I really started to trust you but you set me up to take the fall.
I guess I’m not prepared to say...
Goodbye, so long, farewell, I won’t be seeing you again
Until next time that she goes away.

I guess that I’m wrong for falling in love,
But you’re still the one that I’m dreaming of.
I guess that it’s you I want to hold onto,
But you’re holding onto someone else.

no one gets that my ability to be functioning right now is amazing because whenever im alone i break down.

new favorite song...

 

hey mister
i really like your daughter
i'd like to eat her like ice cream
maybe dip her in chocolate
hey mister
on your way to work
in your volvo suit and tie
we'll be crawling in your bed soon
messing around maybe
getting high
it's not what you did
it's not what you didn't
God gave her the perfect body
now i'm all up in it
it's not she's a tramp
it's not she's not pure
she just likes getting her fuck on
and it's a good one at
that i'm sure
na na na na na
hey mister
i really like your daughter
when i'm horny like thirsty
she's a bottle of water
hey mister
how'd it get so bad
you raised her so well
now she's calling me dad
in the back seat naked of her new
volkswagen
the perfect little gift for high
school graduation
na na na na na
i eat all the food in your fridge
call my friends
around the world rack up your
long distance
do breakstands neutral drops
wreck all your cars
drink all the booze in your
cheezy ass wet bar
order stuff on your credit cards
leave boogers in the skippy jar
smooke your cigars
answer your phone tell your boss
you moved to mars
when you call in late from work
tell your wife you're at the titty bars
na na na na na
i can't lie i have to tell the truth
man to man mister it's all
a total spoof
your daughter's a freak
your daughter's a pro
when i'm done with her she'll do
one of your bros.
i hope i never have a daughter
i hope i never have a daughter
na na na na na

 

small break down you're such a fuckin fucker.. i hate you you stupid ho... you slut.."i know not from her..." like it'll be okay fuck you fuck you your such a cunt.. 11144.8177.1.50.117.70113.111174.400???

what is it that i truley fear?? you'd have to know me pretty damn well to get that one right. Ive done something for myself and to keep my sanity of my choices I have neglected to tell some of the people who are closest to me. If they were to find out that ive been doing what im doing with extreme regaurds of them to not find out I believe that i never will obtain their trust again. But what im doing is something that i need for me not for anyone else, for me. A secret that i hold on to with no remorseso far. I wish i could tell them but they would not understand. I have told some but those who i trust not to say anything and mostly to those who i do not want to know. NO others can know.. Its just my secret. and i love it =)


this secret has come with other conciquences and worry as well with doubt. I have those whom i can trust with all of this and others who i can never let glance at the thought that im allowing this for myself.

something i wrote in an emo mood::

She was closing the drawer as she held a sharp cold knife. Slowly walking up the stairs to where she knows he sleeps. With only the light shining from the opened door behind her, she stares at his blissful yet beautiful face. She kisses him one last time she doesn't want to resort to this but she knows she must. Pulling away from his lips, she forcefully pushes in the steel blade and deeply slides it across his throat. After a short jerk his body lay paralyzed. She wakes in a cold-sweat with a sudden flinch laying in shock by this terrifying nightmare. Then she feels the warm ooze of the sticky red blood upon her hands as she rolls over to find her lifeless love with the blade gently placed on his still chest. I guess I loved you too much to let you have any other way.

There has to be more to this than my obsessive Insanity

 

Standing so far away desperatly hopelessly dying, shaking in attemt to hold back her tears as she stares in the distance at the one who wanted another way. She begins to fill with fury due to the sight of the one who destroyed them or in her eyes believes began the destruction. Violently she throws her backpack to the ground and begins to run. Tears come rapidly falling down her face and each breath becomes a short whimper. She falls to the ground slamming her head back on a locker in hopes that this physical pain can somehow take away just a minuscule amount of her heartbreak. Attempting to regain her composure she puts her sunglasses down from her hair and walks over to pick up her things that she abandoned and walks home wishing she could let go.

I'm moving back in with my mom

Me and him are done for good this time because this is bullshit ((nd no it isnt like every other time with the going back))

I miss my brother just having him around you know??

Im going to try and get a job i really need one now

I don't like school I want to try and talk my mom into vista er robertson

I didnt try out fer cheerleading this year i dont regret it, yet

spring break was fun just chillin with the people nd found some new people too

Im worried

Ive decided i want to have fun while im on this planet so thats what im going to do

Im getting fat..((she says this as she shoves more fiddle faddle in her mouth))

I want something honest and good fer me but i know thats not gunna happen but still none the less i want it

done =)